


The broken hero

by mendystar1



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Broken, Gen, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2013-12-03
Packaged: 2018-01-03 08:05:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1068052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mendystar1/pseuds/mendystar1





	The broken hero

"I don't need fixing Cas," said Dean, his voice becoming lower as he feels his hands beginning to tremble. He hates feeling like this. Feeling out of control of his emotions,  and the words he can't stop from spilling out of his mouth.  Dean can feel Cas's stare on him. That constant stare, and Dean knew if he looked up, he would see sadness in those bright blue eyes. He hears Cas let out a soft sigh before he spoke.

"But that doesn't mean you're not broken Dean."

It was as if Cas saw something in him, something he's been hiding for a long time kept right under his skin. Dean feels something in him snap and without a thought he's out the door in his baby and driving off to who knows where, because anywhere is better than here.

Dean half expected a flutter of wings to appear beside him and at the same time, wished he didn't. He doesn't know what he wants. Half of him wants Cas to come follow him to hell and back while the other just wants to be alone.

\---

Dean had always been broken. For as long as he can remember, this hallow feeling he had trapped inside him never went away. It was like he’s missing some essential part of being human. That part that made people right because every time his father always gave him that look of disappoint and every time Dean saw it, he flinched as fury of feelings pierced through him. Emptiness. Useless. A waste of space. But when Sammy looked up at him with those puppy dog eyes of his, something inside him melts and the emptiness no longer stings. So what if Dean uses his brother’s presence as a way to get forget himself. Nothing matters. Not him. Not his dad. Only Sam. Sam, who remained pure and untainted by the evil they hunt and didn’t get that broke-ness that the Winchester men somehow inherit. 

So when Sam left for Stamford, Dean was torn between being happy and terrified. It felt like someone ripped Dean open and drained him dry. He didn’t know what to feel. He was happy that Sam left the life, but he was scared what would become of Sam or even himself when Sam’s gone.

_"This is what I want Dean. You can’t stop me." Sam's voice shook the walls of the motel. Maybe it was just Dean's imagination but he felt like his world was breaking at the seams._

__"No one wants to stop you Sam, I just want you to be safe. _You’re gonna get yourself killed pretending you’re one of those dang people who ain't got a damn idea what’s out there." Dean pleads but at the same time wishes for Sam to go because if there's anyone that deserves out, it's Sam.__ _

___"I can protect myself. Dean, I just-" Sam looked down at his hands before looking up at Dean with his sad eyes. "I just want to be normal. I can’t be like you and Dad." Dean flinched, feeling shock, surprise and even a hint of shame because no, Dean didn't want his brother like him or his father. Broken. Searching for blood in order to feel whole. So he let him go.__  _

And when Dad disappeared, it was a chance Dean was waiting for. A chance to talk to his little brother again. And off they went, hunting monsters and going after the clues that Dad left behind. It was only meant to be a while. Dean would travel across a few states and then drop Sam back to Stamford. But Jess happened. Jess died. And with her death, Sam went on the path of vengeance, seeking blood. The same path John went a long time ago and is still pursuing. If only Dean didn't appear back into Sam's life, Sam would be happy with his girlfriend, living in that white picket fence and been happy. But no, Dean had to appear. Dean had to ruin everything. Like he always does. And now his untainted brother is like him, broken and craving for blood.

He could always feel it. That constant ache that no alcohol or amount of sex could cure. Sometimes it pissed him off. What's wrong with him? Why couldn't he be like other people? Why the feeling of beheading a vampire soothe that ache for just a few moments and he felt whole, until he sees the blood on his hands and realized no, he's not. And other times, he was grateful because it's  _that_  feeling that ties him down. That tells him that there really is no good in the world. That really, nothing good will ever be in his reach. That he will, forever be, broken.

That all changed when Cas appeared. 


End file.
